Introduction: When Pressure Takes Over
If you’ve ever found yourself drained down during mid-tournament, you know the mental battle that kicks in. You’re tired, frustrated, and someone—often your coach—tells you: “Just do something. It doesn’t have to be nice.” As practical as it sounds, after all, this is not a beauty contest, in the context of close combat, this advice ranks quite high on the list of worst advices.
These types of ‘not-nice’ moves, like sneaking in kicks or an elbow here and there or hair tearing, are well-known to most of us. Some of them are actually illegal, but many of them are only so when the referee sees them; until then, they’re just ‘not nice’. Although, not being nice is not the actual problem with them because tournament, or even a live sparring, is not a place to be nice. But there is a common reverse effect.
The Nature of Close Contact Arts
Grappling arts like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, or practically and close combat, tightly links you to your opponent. You’re not just exchanging techniques—you’re having a physical conversation, a very emotionally charged one with little control over most of the responses. Only a really very few of us can keep cool when someone is coming to their throat with full force. In fact, some of my early coaches couldn’t even imagine it was possible, or that as a teacher it would be expected from them. They made it clear to the students if any of them gave it their all, they would be broken down, no apology given.
Self-preservation kicks in and takes over for everyone without control. What comes with this setup is the extreme relevance of whom you’re dealing with. Everything is a conversation between you two; every move you make has a response. Not a verbal one, but a physical one, driven by panic level of emotions. In essence, the entire game is a give and take. E.g. if you’re not considering my back when swiping, I’m not considering your knee when passing. If you’re sneaking punches into your moves, I sneak ball kicks into my moves. And the list can go on. This is how a lot of sparring turns into a grudge match.
The consequences
This is why I get a clinch in my stomach when I hear coaches telling their fighters, usually with all good intentions, to use ‘anything they can’ during the tournament. While if they’ve already struggle with the round, pissing the opponent off is not the best strategy. When bringing in ‘not nice’ moves, you cross the fine line between martial arts and street fighting, and allow your opponent to do the same. It’s basically granting them permission, which free them from guilt, regret, and the disadvantages of compassion, if they had any. They are given the green light to be rude without any emotional consequences.
From history and up until now, there have been regimes built on withdrawing punishment over violence and with that, removing the emotional blocks that make people think their move twice. It works in big and works in small during tournaments as well.
That is the point here; when you show someone you’re willing to play outside the rules, they’ll likely follow. And here’s the scary part: some opponents are better at going ‘dirty’ than you.
When someone starts playing dirty, the other often stops feeling responsible for the outcome. That restraint? Gone. Empathy? Gone. You’ve just unlocked a version of them that feels zero guilt about butchering you—and might be better trained to do exactly that.
When things go bad and you know that you’re not going to win the round, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I’ve been there before, but now I’d rather use the round to test out techniques that I wouldn’t be comfortable doing earlier because it would put my position at risk. Trying something new when you’re already losing costs you nothing—but it can teach you a lot.
You won’t always win. In fact, you’ll likely lose a lot at the beginning. I went six months without scoring a single point, and almost a year before I could pull off one smooth transition. And even after that, most of my early “wins” only happened when the partners ease up on me. That’s a hard phase to be in, but it’s temporary.
Mind the early stages
Be careful how you’re playing especially in the early stages, otherwise you’ll end up getting a lot of injuries that could take you months to recover from, making it hard to stay motivated. Don’t forget, you’re going to spar a lot, lose a lot, and it can be very demotivating and draining after a while. It’s crucial to progress quickly in the early stages, where you’re unlikely to win much. The faster you pass this ‘always beaten up’ stage, the higher the chance you will get somewhere with it.
The idea that one must fight, smash, and win from the first class is one of the reasons why many people quit grappling arts such as Brazilian Jiu Jitsu quite early. That’s a difficult stage to be in. To pass this faster, avoid injuries. A knee or shoulder injury will take you out for 2 months and slow your progress for about 6 more. Make sure not to turn the sparring session into a street fight, and keep yourself intact.
